“Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.”

“Huh…what? Oh, sorry, I was thinking about what I wanted to say after you were done talking.” Imagine that honesty… Are we really that desperate for someone, anyone, everyone to listen?

What traits come to mind when you think of a good listener? I think of these: Encouraging the other person to talk about what they want to talk about. Giving a person time to think about what they want to say. Not leading them or filling in the end of their sentences - not interrupting. Being genuinely interested in what the person talking is saying. Letting the person finish, taking time to take what they said into account, and giving feed back or at the very least recognition that you listened and paid attention. Then advice or thoughts can be communicated if necessary.

I want to write to discover more about myself. This is a subject that I’m not iron clad on - at all. I go back and fourth on how I am to be and how I view others when it comes to this matter. Right now I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle. A very high percentage of people today (in my opinion), especially people that fall in my generation, seem to fall under the category, and if I may quote a good friend of mine’s blog, “MeMonsters.”

Have you ever noticed someone not listening to you, and only thinking about what they want to say when your finished. It looks as if a giant ball of words will explode inside of them if they don’t interrupt you and tell you their story “building off yours of course.” Interrupting…do I even have to say anything. I mean, who likes being interrupted? Or: my personal favorite. When you finish talking, telling a story, or making a simple statement a person replies with 'NO!,' then follows with their story or statement that does not disagree with what you said at all. If your confused it looks like this:

- “…, so that’s what we did last summer at the cottage.”
- “No! Like, me and my friends wake boarded like every day last summer! It was the craziest summer ever!”

Here is what I struggle with: In the book “How to Win Friends & Influence People,” which is the very best selling psychological self-help book in history, it essentially instructs us not to talk, not to boast, not to take pride in accomplishment, but to listen at all times, encourage others to talk about themselves, be genuinely interested in others and what they are saying, NEVER argue, and so on. (That’s a very small nutshell of what the book goes into.) I've known many that are the complete opposite of that. Then again, Some people are naturally like that too. I have a friend that will listen your brains out and never speak a word about himself. It’s so natural, so selfless, so beautiful, and so appreciated by so many. However, what about being an outgoing person, letting your voice be heard, standing up for what you believe in, making a statement of who you are, and just giving the raw truth? How are people going to get to know you and love you for who you are if you do nearly nothing but listen?

The crazy thing is I think the book is right. People will like you more if you listen. Obviously no one likes total me-monsters, but I feel that even someone in the middle of the scale won’t be liked as much as a skilled listener.

Really look deep inside yourself and into human nature and think about this. You may anecdotally and individually say that you don’t follow this set of unconscious guidelines, but in practice, from experience, and lots of observation I see it as universal. Aren’t we genuinely interested in others lives, what they’ve gone through, that there may be something we could learn - so that we don’t have to try and ‘focus on listening.’ Or are we that intoxicated with our own egos, and that drunk on our on importance?